Good Night Part 2: Led into the Wilderness

Good Night Part 2

Acts 16:25, "About midnight Paul and Silas were praying and singing hymns to God, and the prisoners were listening to them."

As I continue to meditate on this passage in Acts, I have attempted to understand what it must have been like for Paul and Silas. How dark was their cell? How cold were they? How scared were they? How emboldened were they? What was their temptation(s)...those shifts in the soul that want to abrasively resist injustice by our own strength, our own plan, in our own flesh? Was it a temptation that allowed a past wound to to dig deeper? Was it a hidden secret...maybe the guilt for not being sure whether God could be trusted in the moment? I wonder how many times I have buried that one? What about you? God are you with me? Do you see what is going on here in my life?  What were their temptations?

As I entered the cell with Paul and Silas I looked for Jesus. I wanted to see if he was there in the midst of their pain and suffering. I have not blogged in a while just because my heart was soaking it in and I was on my own journey. And during that process I was led to Luke 4:1-2.  “And Jesus, full of the Holy Spirit, returned from Jordan (having been baptized) and was led by the Spirit in the wilderness for forty days, being tempted by the devil.” 

Now we could unpack quite a bit here and eventually we may.  But today, in simple there just a couple of overwhelmingly clear similarities between these two passages. 

1)Jesus, Paul, and Silas, were filled with the Holy Spirit and led by the HS through their entire ministry.

2)The Holy Spirit lead each of them into a type of wilderness to be tempted at a very weak moment in their lives.

So, on the cusp of Christ's ministry to the world, his first step into the shadow of the Cross was a step out of the wilderness. 

Like wise, Paul and Silas had been led by the Spirit to the exact place where they were beaten and thrown in jail. Earlier in Acts 16, as Paul and Silas taught the gospel, the Holy Spirit had opened Lydia’s eyes to see the truth of who Jesus  and her entire household came to Christ. Leading up to their beating and imprisonment, Paul called out a demon from a slave girl. Paul and Silas were being used to demonstrate God's power. And yet, here they were down in the pit. And in their hearts and heads they must have been tempted to abrasively resist the injustice. Tempted to withdrawal and give up. Tempted to stew in bitterness and self righteousness. That is the crazy thing about being locked up. There are only so many ways you can rebel. The battle is internal. But, so is the redemption. So, the power of the Holy Spirit is unmistakably present in you. In your wilderness. In your inner cell.

The more I hung out in that cell with Paul and Silas, the less and less I saw the darkness. The less I felt the cold. The pain and suffering in the darkness helped me see the cross more clearly. The temptations were very real and so overwhelming I had no choice but to call on him to rescue me. And he was there. The attempt to subvert God’s plan in Acts 16 was unraveling. And so it is in my life too. Light was beaming into the darkness. Jesus was there! They sang songs in the night! Are you singing songs in your night? May the Spirit of the living God be with you today. Jesus is in your darkness. 

Acts 16:25 About midnight Paul and Silas were praying and singing hymns to God, and the prisoners were listening to them.

Good Night Part 1.5 (quick thought)

That is a picture of my son wearing his Cubs shirt while fearlessly surrounded by Braves fans!

Acts 16:25, “About midnight Paul and Silas were praying and singing hymns to God and the prisoners were listening to them.”

My son walks around the house with a super hero cape on most of the day, everyday. Jackson is virtually fearless with his cape on. In “Doctor Zhivago”, Dr. Zhivago, finds the text of Psalm 91:5-6 on the bodies of two soldiers. Pasternak, the author went on to write. “ Decades later prisoners were to sew it (this passage) into their clothes and mutter its words in jail when they were summoned in the night for interrogation.”

Maybe as we are summoned in the night, the truth of the passage below will shelter us and give us strength to praise Him. Sew it into our clothes. Sew it into our hearts.

Pslam 91:4-6

4 

He will cover you with his pinions,
    and under his wings you will find refuge;
    his faithfulness is a shield and buckler.

5 

You will not fear the terror of the night,
    nor the arrow that flies by day,

6 

nor the pestilence that stalks in darkness,
    nor the destruction that wastes at noonday.

Good Night Part 1

Good Night Part 1

Acts 16:25 “About midnight Paul and Silas were praying and singing hymns to God, and the prisoners were listening to them.”

There is nothing more poisonous to my mind, heart, and soul than religion. While I rightfully gasp at the visible evil around me, I am constantly walking into a darkness that on the surface seems so bright. This darkness is religion; systematic standards and ideals that I have set over the course of my life in hopes of drawing God and others closer to me. I want approval. I want to work for my worth. I want to be rewarded for my efforts. And yet, even the rules I have chosen to live by are always beyond reach. I cannot live them out to the degree of my own expectations. And I place these same expectations, this best of burden, on those around me. My rules falsely give me, “the right”, to approve or disapprove of my neighbors, friends, family, coworkers, etc.

The witness to this truth is the fractured pieces of my soul, and the distorted and destructive patterns that gradually separate me from the people that I truly love and the God that truly loves me.

I feel the tremmors, the restlessness, the exhaustion in my life, and often wonder what is happening and why. But, it is difficult to slow down long enough to answer my own question. Maybe it is because the answer is also the unveiling of this illusion called religion; this darkness that seems so bright. It doesn’t work. I can’t pull it off on my own. No matter how hard I try. I have a difficult time admitting that “my” plan failed...again.

So, how in the darkness of night, in the darkness of the inner cell of a prison, having been beaten and locked in shackles, were Paul and Silas able to sing and pray? How were they able to bring joy into walls of captivity? How were they able to bring light into the darkness? What could be powerful enough to release them from their suffering in such a despairing situation? What was it that ignited their voices to sing praises and prayers to God that would echo through the pitch black chambers and move men to listen and not drown them out with cursing and chaos? For a moment the stench, the dampness, the stale air was evaporated and all that was wrong and broken in the men in cages or maybe the cages in these men, was held together as they delighted in the joy of these songs and prayers bouncing off the walls, through the bars, and into their hearts. What ruptured the plan to hold Paul and Silas, to hurt them, to steal their freedom, and interrupt the mission of God to which they had been called?

I don’t think it was religion, but it was certainly a good night..

Into the Deep

We have this print on the wall at the foot of our bed. I love this image because every morning I wake up and she is already diving into the deep. She is in the air, poised, and committed. But, she also seems thrilled by it all. There is a smile creeping around the edge of her face that says, "I was born to do this."

I remember growing up and watching the older kids jump and dive off the board at the pool. I wanted to dive but I had to learn how to swim. I wanted to dive but I was afraid of the deep end. So, I kept watching kids jump and dive for a few more days but every time they left the board they had a smile on their face and when they resurfaced they had a smile on their face.

Finally, I decided the fun of it all must outweigh fear of what was required. And so I learned as quickly as possible how to swim. At least I learned enough to convince my mom I could jump, land, come back up, and somehow get to the ladder.

The next day my launch countdown began. Several of my friends helped 10-9-8-7-6-5-4-3-2-1. My heart was pounding with both fear and delight. I ran. I jumped and the board sent me flying up, up, up...I had a huge smile on my face. So big, I forgot to close my mouth when I landed. But I recovered well. I am so glad I jumped.

I got this print and framed it because I often forget the joy that comes from leaping into the air. Luke 18:17 says, Truly, I say to you, whoever does not receive the Kingdom of God like a child shall not enter it.

When I wake up in the morning and see her already in flight I pray that I will enter his kingdom today like a child, with joy, delight and trust. There are days I do not feel like jumping. There are days the deep end seems too deep. More days than not I feel less than flight-worthy.

Have you ever had a dog that you tried to train? "Jump,boy, Jump!" And the dog just stares at you. Maybe Ol'Roy looks up at a bird flying through the air and thinks, "You should have bought a bird!"

Somedays we won't make it to the pool. We won't make it to the deep end. We won't make it to the board or take flight. But we aren't dogs or birds. But, in Christ we are the children of God and we were born to do this; to run, the jump, to dive into the deep, and trust Him. Maybe you can take flight today. Enjoy the ride.

Psalm 37:4-5 Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart. 5. Commit your way to the Lord; trust him and he will act.

A Table in the Wilderness

There is a heart condition within each of us that bends away from God in the pursuit of something "more". Sometimes we are completely aware of our pursuit. But often we step away quietly and slowly. Our moving from God takes place first in the geography of our thoughts, traveling to our hearts, and then into our actions. These pursuits are so easily camouflaged by our culture if not completely accepted. So, in this pursuit, in this chase for fulfillment we find a temporary replacement for God. Once we find it,we can't live without it. If it were taken away we would collapse.

What might be something that you have established in your daily/regular lifestyle that has become a substitute for God? Would your self worth, your desire for praise, your need to be accepted...would these collapse to some degrees if you returned to God in this area of your life?

When we bend away from God we are at the same time bending our hearts and lives away from freedom. True freedom. Like a mouse who regularly faces death while attempting to grasp the cheese. The mouse craves the cheese. He sees the cheese. But, for some reason the mouse does not see the death attached to the cheese. And so mice continue to crave the cheese and pursue the cheese and die before they even get a taste of the cheese.

I know this illustration breaks down to some degree. But, how often do I crave the cheese, see the cheese, and yet, I don't see the death that comes with it. Or maybe I choose to be blind to death attached to my cravings.

A step towards Godless cravings is a step back into slavery, a weathering of my soul, a layer of film wrapped around my heart. A step here and a step there and I am running. If I run far enough I begin to stand, in my hardness, in my pride. Emboldened. Blind to the trap of my own cravings.

This seems to be a theme in Psalm 78. There is a recounting of the Israelites journey through the wilderness after God frees them from Egypt.

V.11 They forgot his works and wonders that he had shown them.
V.18 They (willfully) tested God in their heart by demanding the food they craved.
V.19 They spoke against God, saying, "Can God spread a table in the wilderness?"

They forgot his works and wonders. They demanded what they craved. They doubted he could provide a feast in the wilderness.

I believe I struggle with these exact forms of doubt fueled by pride and fear. Looking back at the taste and the dreadful delight of sin, success, and control, that I often intentionally wander back into, my question, my actions, my heart, asks God, "Can you spread a table in the wilderness? In my wilderness? On my journey?" In my pride, impatience, or fear, etc, I go ahead and set the table with my own provisions, because I doubt God can do better.

God, can you spread a table in the wilderness? The answer is yes, but how?

v. 11, says, they forgot his works and wonders? Have you forgotten? I know I often do.

1. Remember the works and wonders God has done in your life.

God sets the table and fills it with his works and wonders. Psalm 23:5 " You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; you anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows." The feast on the table is a feast that fully satisfies. The table in the wilderness is full, rich and abundant.Water is always sweeter from a rock in the desert. Food falling from heaven feeds more than our stomachs.

2. Receive with joy and wonder.

The idea of sitting at the table is to receive. Receive the provisions on the table. Receive the fellowship around the table. Receive the works and wonders. Receive with joy and wonder in such a way that your heart, burns, longs, and craves for more.

Jesus sat at lots of tables. He sat with sinners and tax collectors. He went and had dinner with Zacchaeus. When Jesus invited himself over to his house, Luke 19:6 says, Zacchaeus, "hurried and came down and received him (Jesus) with joy." Salvation was on the table that day. Zacchaeus was forever changed because he sat at the table with Jesus.

After Jesus' resurrection he walked along the road with two strangers. They walked and talked for a while. They were hungry at the end of the journey, hungry for more of what this man was saying. You might say they were craving God, like never before. As the three of them sat down at the table, Jesus blessed the bread, broke it and gave it to them. The he vanished. The response of the men he had walked with, Luke 24:32, "Did not out hearts burn within us while he talked to us on the road, while he opened to us the Scripture?" These men got up from their table and traveled all the way back from where they came to tell everyone about Jesus! They walked to the table, they sat, they were blessed and their hearts burned to go out and share more.

3) You cannot spread this table.

One night in an upper room at a table with his disciples Jesus offered the greatest feast of all, himself. His body and blood. This offering would be fulfilled on te cross. He walked in obedience to his death. He sat alone in the wilderness, at an empty table, in the presence of his his enemies, anointed with pain and death, and a crown of thorns. His blood overflowed.

Why did he do this? To spread the true table (Jesus) in the wilderness of our journey. So, that his works and wonders, and the joy of salvation could cover the table like no other feast can do. So all who believe in him might receive him. These are the children invited to the table.

Rest your feet. Let your thirst be quenched. Let the hunger of our your soul be forever satisfied.

Come, sit at the Table in Wilderness!

Ps. 23:6 Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord forever.

Resting in God (better formatted)

Resting in God Psalm 62:1-2
1 For God alone my soul (rests)waits in silence; from him comes my salvation.2 He only is my rock and my salvation, my fortress; I shall not be greatly shaken.

(v.1: Soul Rest) My soul finds rest in God alone. What are some implications and applications to this truth? If my soul,(the depths of my being), find rest in God then:
1. My (spouse/friend/son/daughter/etc.), doesn't have to be my resting place. The freeing reality of this means that those whom we might be seeking rest in no longer have to be perfect for us. We may not always realize the burden we place on others and ourselves when we expect them to bring us a type of rest they simply cannot.

2. Work or escape from work doesn't have to be my resting place. It won't satisfy, no matter how hard you work, how much you work or how much you avoid your work. Work is good. Rest from work is good. But resting in God is what will nurture our souls.

3. I don't have to be my resting place. I don't have to be perfect to rest my soul in God. In fact I will never truly rest my soul in God if I am pursuing perfection. Christ is my perfection. I am a child of God. He pursued my perfection, my righteousness at his expense. It was his work that saved me. It was his son that brought us in to a deep rest of the soul.

Question: Am I resting in God alone? Am I giving myself time to rest in him and allow him to speak truth and grace into my life?

(My Rock) V.2, "He is my rock...my fortress". God is my strength and shelter. Questions:

1.Am I trying to be my own strength right now?
2.Am I trying to hide in my own shelter? 3
3.Am I standing on the rock with my (spouse, insert________, work, etc) ; in love, in joy,during times of conflict or pressure? 3. If God is my rock, why do I feel the need to plead my case (argue)? If God is my rock why do I live in fear. Why am I passive? Do I feel weak? Do I feel like I need to be right....if God is my rock? 4.Am I hiding in the rush of the current of my emotions or standing on the rock that moves the water aside?
5.Do I need to be affirmed by God or by God and man?
6.Will not every single person who loves me dearly and walks with me, even my enemies who exhaust me....won't they all fail to feed my soul? 7.Am I standing on the rock? Is there something that I perceive to be more valuable than God? Is there something, someone, myself, that I am functionally, daily standing on.....have I made my own rock to stand on? At the end of verse two it says, "I will not be shaken" Is God my rock? Where in my life do I feel unsettled?

(My Salvation) In both v.1&2 it says God is my salvation: How am I trying to be redeemed...or in what area of my life do I need to fix myself...on my terms? Will any of these areas in my life fix my soul, satisfy my heart beyond the temporal moment?

1. My work.
2. My future work, clients, church, etc. (accomplishments in my field of expertise) 3. My wife, does she redeem me? Do I sometimes expect her to? Can she?
4. Can I redeem myself? If I could redeem myself then why would I ever feel the need to redeem myself. If I could redeem myself wouldn't it be more be effortless in some ways? Like brewing a cup of coffee and sitting back and enjoying the morning.
5. Can my friends fix my soul, my heart, my brokeness. They can help, but they can't heal...deeply heal, deeply fix....deeply walk me to the garden where God the Father delights in walking with me.
6. Can my/your children fix you. They bring you joy, tears, pain, delight, but then God asks you to release them. And they are and were never yours and so there is always a marriage of joy and sorrow. Pain and hope. We can play a game where we pretend they are ours and nothing changes. But, in our hearts we know that is not true and the older they get the more we know that while they are a blessing, they can not redeem us. They cannot fix us.
7. Do emails, and letters redeem me? I love to get both. They often affirm areas of our life that encourage us. They also can discourage us. If we don't get the right email or letter from someone, it hurts.I love those rare letters of encouragement. But does that have more to say about me than the people I am waiting for? Good emails/letters or none at all point to a shadow in our hearts, a longing to be redeemed by someone else. We say that these are just small redeeming moments and some of them are. But do they bring me to the throne of God, to the intimate resting walk with God, or just back to myself?

God is my salvation!

So in summary: Nothing else in this world will satisfy my heart and bring deep rest to my soul like God. There is no "functioning rock" in my life that will hold me in the place God wants me to be. Whether seasons of suffering or seasons of joy, God is my rock and my fortress. I shouldn't run from the rock. God alone can fix me. God alone can redeem me. God alone can save be. God is my salvation. Don't chip away at the golden calf when you can rest in the arms of God by streams of living water, Psalm 1:3 These are difficult questions and thoughts for me to process but they are also wonderful for my soul. I hope this helps you as well.